Balancing Act

Recently I was catching up with a friend who had her second baby about 8 weeks ago now. She was looking forward to returning to work the following week because she's been coming down with a case of cabin fever lately.

"I know what you mean," was my reply. And I feel like I really do. I'm an extrovert who stays (mostly) at home with my almost 8-month-old son. I really believe in the choice I've made, consider it a blessing, and know that it's what I'm called to do at this point in my life. But it's hard!

As we continued to chat, we ended up deciding that although being at home with little ones is not anywhere near boring, it really takes a lot of balance. She was wondering what I was doing to find that balance. At the time, I was confidently able to rattle off quite a few things that I do in search of it:

I'm someone who needs to be doing things with my brain. I read dozens of journal articles and blog posts and editorials from all over the internet. I'm always in the middle of a few books and will frequently listen to podcasts as well. I also write in this blog, though more seldom than I wish.
I also need interaction with people: I have more energy and am a happier person after a coffee date with a friend, meeting with coworkers, or a weekend at home with family. So I still have a very part-time job where I get to facilitate a class on the college level and coordinate the logistics for said class. I'm the chair of the young adult ministry for our parish. There's a group of 8 or so lovely women and their babies, all less than 2 years old, who I get together with each week for lunch and conversation. I attend bi-weekly breastfeeding support group. And then there's the daily chat with my mom on the phone.

And that's how I stay perfectly balanced.

Not. I'm totally still on the journey to finding balance and since having this conversation my lack thereof has become glaringly obvious. I get pretty antsy by he middle of day, especially if it happens to also be the middle of the week. Even if I had a coffee date that morning. If I haven't left the house all day, my husband is greeted by somewhat of a cold shoulder, because I almost feel like I'm out of practice having conversations when I haven't had one yet.

Lately I'm left wondering: I'm able to do exactly what I wanted and be my son's main caregiver--why aren't I over the moon with gratitude and feeling really refreshed everyday in this job?

Oh, right. Because it's still hard. And while many days I do feel like I'm in a really good place, some days are just harder than others. Putting his needs before my own means I have to die to myself a little bit. I have to plan my days around his nap times and eating times. Sitting down and writing or reading often needs to wait until he's content playing on the floor or sleeping, and often it's interrupted. The busy-body in me really misses days of hustle-and-bustle until I drop but babies just don't hustle.

Although I don't when (or if) I'll ever feel like I really have this mom thing all balanced out, I do know that God is using this role as momma to make me a better person. To draw me closer to Him, because you'd better believe it takes quite a few Hail Marys to garner up the patience needed to stay awake with a fussy baby at 3:30 in the morning. I'm being shown what virtues I'm lacking through this form of suffering. And each day, if I accept the grace God constantly extends, he reveals to me the beauty of motherhood. It's all truly a balancing act.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a baby boy who would like to be held.

~Danielle

Advent Unplugged: Week 2

I intended on publishing a post or two this past week. I even started one and saved a few other ideas. But, what can I say? This season of life is one that is filled with caring for a little boy during the day who happens to be a bit needy...he's such a baby! My nights have been spent knocking things off my to-do list which seems so long this time of year and spending some quality time with the hubs. There's something about the cold, dark nights that make me just want to curl up on the couch. And so my writing has been neglected and I just have to be A-OK with it.

But how is my Advent going? Have I stayed true to my goals of being "unplugged"?

Delete facebook from my phone. I have remained true to this promise and have not even logged into facebook via safari! This is a big deal and the longest I have stayed away from FB via the iPhone since it's been in my possession. I have to say, there is a peace that has come with this decision. When I have a moment to actually use the computer, such as during nap time, in the evening, or when baby is happily playing on the floor, I'll log in quickly to check notifications and peruse my news feed for a few minutes. Then I close the browser and am done. A stark dichotomy from reading every post until I come to the last one I recognize. Perhaps I was more addicted to this form of social media than I realized, but I'm glad to be taking strides to walk out of that fog.

Download the Relevant Radio app. I haven't used this app as much as I originally thought that I would, but what I have been able to listen to has been really fruitful and on my mind for days! If you have this app and are looking for great insight on what it means to be humble, you may want to listen to Fr. Boniface Hicks podcast on Humility. It can be found under "The Inner Life" in "Podcasts."

Read/listen to daily readings each day. Over the last week I can only think of one day where I never went into Laudate (which is a fabulous Catholic app if you've never heard of it!) to read or listen to the daily reading, psalm, and Gospel. This simple, intentional step allows me to make the connection of the day to the greater liturgical season of Advent. God constantly extends huge amounts of grace to us through the readings and I believe I'm taking a small step this Advent to accept these graces, something I've been praying for lately. What a great reminder of the somberness of Advent as we wait for the celebration of Christmas.

Reflection as a family. Brandon and I continue to use our little "Advent Reflections with Saint Pio of Pietrelicina" booklet every morning and evening and have really enjoyed them! They are super-duper short, though, and I'm yearning for a little more depth and braininess this Advent, so I'm also borrowing The Infancy Narratives by Pope Benedict XVI as something I'd like to read over the next two weeks! I'm only about 6 pages in but already have learned something! (Did you know that exegesis means a critical interpretation of a text?)

Advent is nearing it's halfway point. While I'm making progress on my "goals," I'm hoping that as this somber season continues I'll feel a little less anxious and a little more at peace. Hope you get the opportunity for some intentional reflection as we await the coming of our King!

Check out Haley's page to see how others "Advent Unplugged" are going!

~Danielle

Advent Unplugged: Week 1

Advent is upon us and this year I'd really like to honor this part of the liturgical year for what it should be: a time of intentional preparation, anticipation, and reflection as we wait for the celebration of the birth of Christ!

I'm linking up with Haley over at Carrots for Michaelmas for "Advent Unplugged" and have come up with my own plan for unplugging, primarily from Facebook, during this season as well as making an intentional effort to infuse my daily life with opportunities for reflection.

My Advent Plan:

Delete facebook from my phone. If you're keeping up with my posts, you'd be confused right now because didn't I just delete it about a month ago? Yes, yes I did. But it found it's way back to my phone when I wanted to easily upload a few photos to facebook. The app makes it about 33 times easier than trying to do it using Safari. Soo...the plan is to allow myself to upload photos to facebook using the app on Sundays, if I wish. Otherwise I just automatically scroll through the news feed while I'm nursing and I'm positive there are better uses of my time.

Download the Relevant Radio app. So...maybe this seems counter-intuitive to the whole "unplugged" thing. But my father-in-law had been telling me how much he likes the programming on Relevant Radio and it seems like an easy way to infuse some intentional programming into my life. I'm someone who really needs to be taking in information throughout the day, which is why I default to Facebook so often. With just me and a 7 month old at home, I know that I can still fully meet his needs and be present to him while listening to a radio show or two. And it's surely better than looking at my phone screen.

Read/listen to the daily readings each day. This liturgical season is full of readings that should fill us with anticipation, reminding us that our entire lives are actually "Advents" for the promise of heaven! In his homily on Sunday, the priest pointed out that the daily readings really don't talk about the first coming of Christ in Christmas until around December 18th! Instead, they point towards the second coming of Christ, that which we're all still waiting for. Reading these each day (or listening to them via the Laudate app...I know...more "plugged" but I can do it while holding Silas or getting ready in the morning!) will allow me to remain focused on Advent, the season at hand, instead of getting swept away in all things Christmas too soon!

Reflection as a family. Brandon and I are going through a little reflection booklet together. And it's an actual book--not something online for once! It's actually quotes from the writings of Saint Padre Pio coupled with a bible verse. We each read the page for the day separately when we eat breakfast in the morning (Brandon's up and ready early and I sleep as long as little man will let me!) Then at dinner we read it aloud and talk about if it struck us in anyway.

As Advent continues I'll update on how well my adherence to the plan is going!

Hope your Advent is off to a reflective, intentional start!

~Danielle

Let's Be Thankful.

Oh, it's that time of year again--the last week of November. The season of having no idea what holiday we're celebrating.

When I was in 7th and 8th grade, my English teacher would always wonder aloud what an alien who just landed on earth would think about certain situations. She was getting us to see life from a different perspective. And, you know, I think I'd be a super-confused outer-space species if I landed in the USA during the last week of November.

Can you imagine? There are fall leaves and turkeys next to snowflakes and elves with a splash of scary ghouls hanging from trees (Yup, I have actually seen at least a dozen houses that still have Halloween decor strewn about their lawns...) It's a time spent with family, eating a whole lotta delicious food and really taking a moment to be grateful for what we have. Until we turn around and go shopping because we must buy all.the.things. And the music sings of the most wonderful time of the year which isn't actually happening right now. "Holiday" drinks are available, not the national holiday we're celebrating this month, but for the one more than 30 days away that stores and malls and banks and people-a-plenty have also already decorated for. It's not yet Thanksgiving and we're pumpkined out, already feasting our eyes on the beauty of Christmastime.

Now, don't get me wrong--I think it's great that we eventually find so much cause for the celebration of the birth of Christ, I'm just not so sure it's a great idea to celebrate this holiday before Advent is even upon us! And when I say "we" I mean we. I'm pointing fingers at this strange cultural phenomenon we find ourselves stuck in the middle of each November, but also pointing a big, fat, flashing arrow right back at myself. 

Because I luvah me some Christmastime. 

The teensiest bit of a chill in the air and my thoughts sprint right to Christmas carols and cookies and decorations. There's this fluttering of my stomach while the Nutcracker theme frolicks around my head. Oh the season of wrapping gifts and receiving Christmas cards and delicious cookies...Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la...

wait....it's...the middle of November.

When I wake up with Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree stuck in my head (like this morning), I have to remind myself that Thanksgiving marks more than just the beginning of another season. It is a holiday where we have the chance to focus on what is most important to us and verbalize our gratitude. We gather for a delicious meal with the people we love and celebrate what we have been gifted with over the last year. And did you know that scientists have proven that one of the greatest contributing factors to overall happiness is how much gratitude you show?

I must say, happiness is an understatement to what I feel about this past year. I'm thankful for the life of my son, for having the opportunity to spend so much time with him. I'm thankful for the constant support of my husband, for his patience and willingness to do whatever is necessary for the good of our family. I'm thankful for my mom and dad and sisters and grandparents and all of Brandon's as well. Thankful for friends, new and old, for the house we call home, for our parish and the thriving community we've found there. Thankful for the gifts and talents I have and for the opportunities to grow.

For just the next few days, let's abandon decking the halls and focus on the holiday-at-hand. Let's show gratitude for the gift of family and friends; for the hardships we've overcome and the ways we've grown; for the blessings of health and home; for the grace received. Let's be thankful without getting knee-deep into the next holiday's celebration. Let's be thankful.

~Danielle

Five Favorites (vol. 9)

Well it's almost Wednesday which means it's time to share my five favorite things o' the moment along with sweet Hallie and the other Favoriters. The prologue portion of this post should include something about having a sweet tooth currently...read on and you'll see why!

-1-
I love ice cream. Always have, always will. And I equate frozen yogurt to ice cream because it's just as good! We don't always have it in the house...but usually we do. Meet the most delicious frozen yogurt known to man:

Blue Bunny Caramel Praline Crunch frozen yogurt. Your mouth will dance. Oh, and you're welcome.

-2-
I'm a grazer and snack much of the day. Last week I found myself standing in the trail mix aisle at Target. I must've (can you do that...should + have = should've so must + have = must've??) Anyways, I must. have. blacked out because suddenly I'm home unpacking groceries and this large tub of trail mix somehow found it's way!


A Handful of Everything from Target.

I couldn't pass up a 5% discount on Cartwheel...that 21 cents really would've broke us. Okay, let me just explain to you how good this stuff is: it's pretty much a handful of a warm, sunny, clear day with big, fluffy white clouds except you get to ingest it kind of joy. Amazing, right? The "everything" is really just dried apricot, pineapple, coconut, and banana chips, with almonds and yogurt covered peanuts and chocolate chips. Why the italics? I may or may not eat chocolate chips straight from their bag sometimes often when I don't have any other good snacks in the house. So eating them with fruit and almonds is wayyy better (or something.) Let's just say my container now contains a handful of nothing.

-3-
My other favorite middle of the day pick-me-up is wine. Kidding. I totally reserve that for after baby boy's bedtime. It's taking a nap! I take my naps very seriously and am a serious nap-taker. I have trained myself to fall asleep very quickly--enough of this sleep training for babies, you gotta know how to sleep train yourself so that you can get sleep when the baby does! Thankfully he slept for almost an hour and a half yesterday which means I got to as well=happy momma.

Quick power-napping is a skill I've been perfecting ever since college, when I would have approximately 20 minutes between a class and a meeting, 10 of which would be taken up walking to and from my reshall room. (It's a Residence Hall, peeps, not the dreaded "d" word. You can tell I work in Higher Ed.) I'd get to my room, throw down my stuff, and roll right under those covers, setting my alarm for 10 minutes later. Fairly certain I was asleep within 30 seconds. After college when I was teaching with Teach For America, sleep became somewhat of a luxury with the long hours and tons to do...the first year of teaching is really is as hard as everyone says. So I made sure that I worked right up until I had to go to sleep to get 8 hours (which I soo need unless I want to fall apart the next day) and then I would literally go. to. sleep. Maybe someday I'll post about what I do to get to sleep so fast. All of this to say, napping is my fav.

-4-
During the fall and winter months I love dark nail polish on my fingers. I put the dark stuff on my toes all year round! My favorite color since I started memorizing OPI colors is Lincoln Park After Dark:

with a close second by Eiffel for this Color:

Yes, I know it's weird that I have nail polish color names memorized. But it's only like 10, I swear. And it's only because OPI is so clever. Although it seems really glamorous (or something) I promise there's a million things better for your brain to know and I kinda wish I had more room for less trivial knowledge.

-5-
So I mentioned wine earlier and now I'm coming back to it. My favorite is Cabernet, so here's a three for the price of one deal...my three current favorite cheap-o delicious cabs. (woman, that's a lot of adjectives):
Two Vines Cabernet Sauvignon--Typically $6.99 at our nearest grocery store
Cellar No. 8 Cabernet Sauvignon--Usually priced between $7-8
 Robert Mondavi Private Selection Cabernet Sauvignon--This is priced a bit higher, between $10-15 I believe. But we drank it one night on our honeymoon so we like to "indulge"--if it could even be called that--for sentimentality sake.

Hope everyone has a fabulous hump day! Thanks for such a fun link-up, Hallie!

~Danielle

Snow and my "sunny" side

I am absolutely an optimist. And most of the time it's really not on purpose. Where some people's thoughts immediately jump to the negative aspect of a situation, typically mine head straight for the positive. I've come in contact with people who aren't so thrilled by this personality trait of mine: rolling of eyes or giving me a blank stare when I point out the "sunny" side of an otherwise displeasing situation.

And so I surprised myself yesterday when the first good snowfall of the season put me in a serious funk. I was not impressed, to say the least.

It started snowing shortly after I woke up. Really it was somewhere between rain and sleet at first. No big deal. Then there were flurries. Weird...I didn't know it was supposed to snow. The flurries turned into big flakes and the flakes came down, at times heavily, for the better part of two hours! There was snow covering the ground and not melting quickly. And suddenly I felt myself panic. Snow?! But it's only November.

I stood by our back door with Silas in tow and watched as the big, beautiful flakes of November snow hit our deck and stick. But I couldn't muster a single optimistic thought. It's accumulating? My freaking out increases, as does Silas' intrigue. What.the.heck? (as heard on instagram) I was not emotionally prepared for snow.

But why should I need to be? Where did my "make the best of every situation" disposition run off to when I needed it most? For the first 25 years of my life snow incited a feeling of excitement and anticipation for me. I have always loved snow, no matter how early or late or surprising it was. So what happened?

As much as I am an optimist, I am also an extrovert. Although I've known this for a long time--being dubbed "gregarious" as a child and scoring an "E" when taking the MBTI in college--I've been realizing lately just how much of my energy comes from interactions with others.

Answer: a lot.

I find that I'm so exhausted on the nights where I haven't interacted with anyone except Silas. He's really great, a fantastically happy baby, but he just can't carry on any sort of recognizable conversation. I'm pretty short with Brandon when he gets home from work if I haven't been out all day. It's like I need conversations to have conversations. And although I prefer chatting in person (over a large cup of coffee...), I feel refreshed being able to talk on the phone with a friend or even just texting or having a convo on gchat! Pretty sure I might die within just a few days if I was ever relegated to solitary confinement.

So why did I freak the heck out as the snow fell to the ground? Because this year the impending cold weather season means more than the beauty it brings. This year I'm home with my beautiful babe. It's so much harder to trek out in winter weather when you have a sidekick and I'm nervous that it will leave me feeling cooped  up in the house. I'm anxious that it will lessen my chances at consistent adult conversation and leave me feeling exhausted with a side of cabin fever. I don't like losing my optimism, but that's the side effect when the extrovert in my doesn't get what she needs--a daily dose of people.

Around noon yesterday the snow stopped, but it was still brutally cold outside (for November, anyway). Although I had a few errands to run in mind, it just seemed like a lot of work to get the baby all bundled up, to take him in and out of the car seat multiple times. "Stupid snow" and "stupid winter" were the thoughts that alerted me that something was definitely going on...

Sometime between when it started to snow and noon, I had lost my "sunny" side. I realized, though, that getting out of the house was exactly what I needed to get my optimism back. Human interaction, even if just via the cashiers I'd see, would allow me to more easily see snow as I always had in the past; not something to complain about, but as something that is beautiful and induces excitement for the season. Off we went, bundled baby and all. And I have to say, the day got sunnier indeed.

Waiting on Writing

Since a few months before Silas was born I have been following blogs. The idea of regularly reading what a complete stranger had to say was at first just that: strange. Now, though, I have around 40 blogs whose posts pop up on my feed and I really have found that they enhance my life in many ways. They're usually well-written. Many of them are quite humorous and make me laugh out loud at the screen. They inspire me to try new things, direct me to new, fun websites, lead me to research different subjects, and think about things with a new perspective. I am so grateful for happening upon the lives of these women (I'm pretty sure every blog I regularly read is written by a woman...) through the words that they choose to write and post for the world to see.

What I've found, though, is that I have become a bit more intimidated to publish blog posts myself. There have been plenty of times when I am struck by something or feel the desire to write, but find myself wondering if what I have to say is really interesting enough to put out on the internet. I've become more critical of writing, more self-aware in a not-so-positive way. In a hindering way. Because when I question if something is "enough"--interesting, reflective, deep, inspirational-- I am, in that moment, taking away my  ability to create. Through my self-doubt, I am robbing myself of the space to work out my own thoughts and document the happenings of this season of life.

And so as I was reflecting today on why I haven't actually written much of anything lately, blog post or otherwise, I decided I need to stop wondering how my writing may be perceived, waiting for the perfect topic, and comparing what I write to others. I need to get back to writing for the person that needs it most: me. I need to tell my story, jot down my thoughts, document my reflections.

I'm going to make it a goal to post at least once per week in the next month, not including any link-ups I decide to join. I know that writing helps me fight cabin fever, and I know that cabin fever sets in quickly. We got some snow today and I felt myself being thrown into a panic that this is the beginning of being stuck in my house for the season. Writing helps me sort through my thoughts. When life feels crazy or overwhelming writing puts me back in a state of peace and optimism, so that I can be a better wife and mom and friend and not be so crotchety when the daily grind throws a swift kick to my shins. It also feeds the part of me who really needs to achieve a tangible accomplishments--I am happiest when I feel useful.

No more waiting on the perfect thought or topic or revelation to write: I just need to write.