Since a few months before Silas was born I have been following blogs. The idea of regularly reading what a complete stranger had to say was at first just that: strange. Now, though, I have around 40 blogs whose posts pop up on my feed and I really have found that they enhance my life in many ways. They're usually well-written. Many of them are quite humorous and make me laugh out loud at the screen. They inspire me to try new things, direct me to new, fun websites, lead me to research different subjects, and think about things with a new perspective. I am so grateful for happening upon the lives of these women (I'm pretty sure every blog I regularly read is written by a woman...) through the words that they choose to write and post for the world to see.
What I've found, though, is that I have become a bit more intimidated to publish blog posts myself. There have been plenty of times when I am struck by something or feel the desire to write, but find myself wondering if what I have to say is really interesting enough to put out on the internet. I've become more critical of writing, more self-aware in a not-so-positive way. In a hindering way. Because when I question if something is "enough"--interesting, reflective, deep, inspirational-- I am, in that moment, taking away my ability to create. Through my self-doubt, I am robbing myself of the space to work out my own thoughts and document the happenings of this season of life.
And so as I was reflecting today on why I haven't actually written much of anything lately, blog post or otherwise, I decided I need to stop wondering how my writing may be perceived, waiting for the perfect topic, and comparing what I write to others. I need to get back to writing for the person that needs it most: me. I need to tell my story, jot down my thoughts, document my reflections.
I'm going to make it a goal to post at least once per week in the next month, not including any link-ups I decide to join. I know that writing helps me fight cabin fever, and I know that cabin fever sets in quickly. We got some snow today and I felt myself being thrown into a panic that this is the beginning of being stuck in my house for the season. Writing helps me sort through my thoughts. When life feels crazy or overwhelming writing puts me back in a state of peace and optimism, so that I can be a better wife and mom and friend and not be so crotchety when the daily grind throws a swift kick to my shins. It also feeds the part of me who really needs to achieve a tangible accomplishments--I am happiest when I feel useful.
No more waiting on the perfect thought or topic or revelation to write: I just need to write.