Balancing Act

Recently I was catching up with a friend who had her second baby about 8 weeks ago now. She was looking forward to returning to work the following week because she's been coming down with a case of cabin fever lately.

"I know what you mean," was my reply. And I feel like I really do. I'm an extrovert who stays (mostly) at home with my almost 8-month-old son. I really believe in the choice I've made, consider it a blessing, and know that it's what I'm called to do at this point in my life. But it's hard!

As we continued to chat, we ended up deciding that although being at home with little ones is not anywhere near boring, it really takes a lot of balance. She was wondering what I was doing to find that balance. At the time, I was confidently able to rattle off quite a few things that I do in search of it:

I'm someone who needs to be doing things with my brain. I read dozens of journal articles and blog posts and editorials from all over the internet. I'm always in the middle of a few books and will frequently listen to podcasts as well. I also write in this blog, though more seldom than I wish.
I also need interaction with people: I have more energy and am a happier person after a coffee date with a friend, meeting with coworkers, or a weekend at home with family. So I still have a very part-time job where I get to facilitate a class on the college level and coordinate the logistics for said class. I'm the chair of the young adult ministry for our parish. There's a group of 8 or so lovely women and their babies, all less than 2 years old, who I get together with each week for lunch and conversation. I attend bi-weekly breastfeeding support group. And then there's the daily chat with my mom on the phone.

And that's how I stay perfectly balanced.

Not. I'm totally still on the journey to finding balance and since having this conversation my lack thereof has become glaringly obvious. I get pretty antsy by he middle of day, especially if it happens to also be the middle of the week. Even if I had a coffee date that morning. If I haven't left the house all day, my husband is greeted by somewhat of a cold shoulder, because I almost feel like I'm out of practice having conversations when I haven't had one yet.

Lately I'm left wondering: I'm able to do exactly what I wanted and be my son's main caregiver--why aren't I over the moon with gratitude and feeling really refreshed everyday in this job?

Oh, right. Because it's still hard. And while many days I do feel like I'm in a really good place, some days are just harder than others. Putting his needs before my own means I have to die to myself a little bit. I have to plan my days around his nap times and eating times. Sitting down and writing or reading often needs to wait until he's content playing on the floor or sleeping, and often it's interrupted. The busy-body in me really misses days of hustle-and-bustle until I drop but babies just don't hustle.

Although I don't when (or if) I'll ever feel like I really have this mom thing all balanced out, I do know that God is using this role as momma to make me a better person. To draw me closer to Him, because you'd better believe it takes quite a few Hail Marys to garner up the patience needed to stay awake with a fussy baby at 3:30 in the morning. I'm being shown what virtues I'm lacking through this form of suffering. And each day, if I accept the grace God constantly extends, he reveals to me the beauty of motherhood. It's all truly a balancing act.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a baby boy who would like to be held.

~Danielle

When others succeed--or how to live vicariously through them.

How incredible is it to watch someone succeed? Especially after they have given it their all and gone through many challenges before enjoying the sweet taste of success. Completing a degree, running a marathon, landing that job...there's a joy that comes with meeting a goal after enduring the challenges that popped up on the way.

Take my dear friend Andrea and her dad Lucky, for example.  Now, I've been honored to call Andrea one of my closest friends since meeting her in fall of 2006.  She, Margaret, and I are what you may deem "inseparable" in college.  The three of us were kinda an unlikely trio, as we're all pretty different personality-wise, but our common bond of loving life and laughing allowed us to be three peas-in-a-pod. I am certain that college would not have been as much fun, and I may not have done as well, if it wasn't for their presence in my life.

Andrea (known as "Louie") and her dad were recently chosen for Bear Grylls "Get Out Alive" television show, touted as the ultimate survival test.  Over 8 episodes, the contestants went through a series of extremely intense challenges in the wilderness of New Zealand to see if they had what it takes to survive in an emergency situation.  Like, seriously outrageous stuff.  Climbing mountains, traversing glaciers, eating maggots, drinking your own urine kind of intense. 

You now understand how different Andrea and I really are. She's tough in the classiest way possible.  I sat on the couch biting my nails and cowering, my stomach twisting in knots as I watched her overcome her fears and literally conquer mountains with a smile on her face. Because she's definitely afraid of heights and still managed to scale a mountain, jump out of a helicopter, cross a crevice on a single rope. I'm wondering how difficult that must have been for her, how demanding of a situation she found herself staring into, and the mental courage it must have taken to overcome these challenges. As Bear said over and over--"The wild is revealing"--and what was revealed of this team was dynamic and incredible and found the good in the worst of times.

And what else is incredible is how simply watching these contestants go through struggles, through genuine hardship in an effort to, in this case, stay alive, can be refreshingly inspiring for those who watch it.  We as viewers put ourselves in their shoes. We imagine what it must have been like to be there alongside them and attempt to survive--and then we realize we cannot imagine going through what they did. We as viewers watched 8 episodes detailing the mental and physical challenges they faced over roughly a months time, we rooted for their success, for them to come out as the team who ultimately survives. My news feed blew up yesterday as fellow Cardinals rejoiced with Lucky and Louie, celebrating their amazing success because, spoiler alert: They came out on top, as the winners of the entire season.  Those of us who know this team were screaming and crying and high-fiving and rejoicing from our couches all around the US.

Not only is this absolutely incredible for this well-deserving team; it also has the capacity to give us hope. We need to allow ourselves to use other's success as inspiration. We can live vicariously through this amazing display of heart, apply their immeasurable courage to our own intense hardship and the fears we currently face in our lives. Maybe it's the fear of public speaking or apologizing to someone you know you've hurt.  Maybe it's the fear that you'll fall flat on your face as you attempt to juggle the demands of life. You're battling a decision that needs to be made and are unsure how you can mentally deal with it's ramifications. You're afraid of what could happen or what might be said if you follow your passion, because it's super illogical and counter-intuitive and not many people choose that path. But not many people decide to go through the most grueling and demanding challenges a whole world away and be taped to be aired on national television either. 

Be assured that even if you're not in the wilderness, everyone deals with situations where they're not sure if they'll get out alive.  And just like we feel a sense of accomplishment and pride when the team we're rooting for is victorious after clearly seeing their struggles, we need to be able to recognize our own challenges in life and rejoice in overcoming them.

Life is not always pretty, and sometimes I look around and it seems like no one else is struggling. Success is easy to point out in other's lives, isn't it? Recognizing the strife it took to get to that place is not. Only by overcoming difficulties, though, can success possibly be so glorious. Lucky and Louie, their ability to stand up to the extremely difficult tasks and smile through them, or at least after them, made success so worth it. So why are we so quick to hide our own challenges in life? Pride, perhaps.  I've been contemplating this since reading Anne's post over at Modern Mrs. Darcy.  She so eloquently points out, "There’s no shame in the struggle: the struggle is what makes it great. The struggle is what makes it glorious."  

So don't be so quick to wish away struggle, live knowing that struggle itself is the stepping stone to success. "The wild is revealing." The hard, the frustrating, the disappointing, the fear inducing, the everyday grime of life...is revealing.  Embrace the struggle, push yourself to grow from it--because you're worth it.  And because accomplishment feels pretty incredible when you turn around and see the mountain you've climbed to get there.

~Danielle