The one whom my soul loves

Today marks two years since we took one another as husband and wife, in sickness and health, good times and bad. And what a wonderful two years it has been!

I am blessed by Brandon's presence in my life. He encourages me to be a better person than I was yesterday, guides me to grow deeper in my faith, is understanding, hard-working, and makes me laugh daily. Although we've had our share of hard times, I'm convinced that we can experience marital bliss forever (as long as we're willing to work at it!)

The groom can't see the bride before the wedding--but it sure was amazing to hold his hand! I felt totally at peace as soon as we were able to touch.

In honor of our second anniversary, I give you two "secrets" to a happy marriage:

1) Pray together.  Being vulnerable with one another in prayer and bringing our joys and concerns to the Lord, together, has brought so many blessings to our lives!  Sometimes praying it out resolves things 100x more quickly than talking them out. It's amazing to see the relationship we each have with God and how we have grown in our faith and spirituality both individually and as a couple since we got married.

2) Drink together.  We love coffee and wine and beer.  And the absolute best conversations happen over one of these drinks. Just taking a moment to sit across a table and not be doing anything except enjoying one another's company has proven to be so special to our relationship and so beneficial to our communication.

Today we celebrate all that we've experienced together and we look forward to many more joyful years in the future.

~Danielle

Silas' Birth Story

Well, it's been seven weeks since we had the privilege of welcoming Silas into the world! I thought I should write a "brief" rundown of the events leading up to his arrival, so that they are documented.  I'm sure at this point some details have already fled my memory, but I know that as time goes on it will only get blurrier.

Note that there are some graphic details included in this birth story, as otherwise it couldn't accurately describe the birth of a person (it's a bit of a messy endeavor!), so stop now if you're really not interested in that business!

It was Thursday, April 18th, Brandon and I were both home from work and didn't feel like cooking. I think that's what happens when you're 6 days past due! We decided to go out to eat, as I had a taste for Mexican food and we had been going on "last dates"--never truly knowing when the last would be.  That was our plan until my water broke. The ironic part was that just that morning our basement had water trickling from many places towards the drain because of the many inches of rain we had over the previous week!  It was a day of water, it seems.  It was also ironic because my grandpa predicted that we would have the baby on April 18th at 7pm...although there was not yet a baby, this is very close to the time when everything began!

Contractions started soon after that, less than 5 minutes apart. I had been having some contractions here and there over the last weeks of pregnancy, but these were the first that were strong and consistent.  We labored at home for about 4 hours, bouncing on the birthing ball and going through some on my hands and knees. Brandon made me some toast and poured me a glass of red wine (we had read that this can help keep you relaxed during labor...and heck, this wino needed any excuse to have a little taste!  Truly I only had about 3 sips and was no longer interested, though.)  Contractions were still easy enough to talk through and we sat on the couch together, chatted in anticipation, and said a rosary.  Around 10:30 or so we decided to go to the hospital because of how close together they were--still less than 5 minutes consistently--and they were becoming strong enough that I had to lie still during a contraction. Upon arrival they checked me my cervix and I was only at about 3 cm, but 90% effaced. 

We labored through the night, using the tub and birthing ball mostly. Everything we had learned in the Bradley method classes really paid off.  Bradley is the "husband-coached" birthing method, and boy was Brandon a rock star!  He was consistently encouraging, suggesting different positions for me to go through contractions, and I definitely could not have done it without him!  

I'm pretty sure Brandon didn't eat any more than I did...a few orange popsicles and a bunch of water.  I guess the adrenaline hid his hunger pangs.  Around sunrise we sat in front of the window, me on a birthing ball, Brandon so wonderfully at my side, and the craziest thing happened: it started to snow.  On April 19th.  Little man, you are a spring baby and it snowed on your birthday.

I had requested upon arrival to be checked as infrequently as possible, as we were choosing to go completely natural and knew that being checked a) hurts b) means you can't move around as much and c) can give you a bit of false hope at how long you have left before baby comes.  At 7am the nurse asked to check me again, though, because she felt like my contractions were strong and solid. She said I was at 10cm and converted the whole room over, brought in the baby scale, and started teaching me how to push.  I was feeling really exhausted, as this was probably the first all-nighter I had ever pulled, but also really excited to meet baby!  When the doctor came in, though, he said I was actually only at a 7...shoot. So we labored more and around 9am I was at 9 1/2 cm--so close!  Unfortunately, at 10, 11, and 12 I was still only at 9 1/2.  We were stuck.

Since my water had broken the night before, the doctor was concerned about how long it had been and ordered a small dosage of pitocin (2 cc/hr).  While I wasn't thrilled because our #1 goal was to avoid pitocin, we trusted that this doctor wouldn't order it unless it was absolutely necessary.  It made contractions really, really hard to manage.  They also put me in the most uncomfortable position--on my hands and knees--because we needed baby to push on the lip of the cervix that was still present.  Wow...I'm fairly certain I blacked out during some of it and know that I could not have gotten through this without the support, encouragement, and massages Brandon was giving me during that painful few hours.  It all seemed to do it's job, though, because at 1:30pm, 19 hours after my water broke, I finally got cleared to push (for real this time!) and did so for about an hour and a half.  Doc came in to check on us (random thought: I did not realize how little the doctor was really around during labor.  Praise God for nurses, and fabulous ones at that!)  He felt to see if Silas (who, at the time, was still only Baby K to us) was getting in the right position. At first he thought Silas was facing to the side, so on my next contraction the doctor tried to move him...yes, actually use his hand to turn a baby while it is inside of me, coming down the birth canal!!! Pretty sure this hurt more than anything I'll experience. ever.  What he realized, though, was that baby was actually coming face presentation.  This means that while typically baby's chins are on their chest when being birthed, the back of Silas' head was actually against his back.  While babies can still be delivered vaginally this way, it's pretty risky because the baby could have spine damage and their entire face is bruised upon arrival to this world.  Let me just say that upon doing research post-labor, this happens in less than 2% of births!  We should have bought a lotto ticket.  What we won instead, though, was an automatic c-section.  I still remember squeezing Brandon's hand and letting out a sigh of relief.  Of course, I would have preferred to deliver vaginally and not have major surgery, but this was an easy "decision" because we wanted what was best for our little one.  And, at that moment, I knew I could let my exhausted body rest because baby would be here soon. The doctor told me to stop pushing.  Psh.  When you've been pushing for almost two hours and have TONS of pressure down low, this is easier said than done.  My body was pretty much pushing without my consent.  

Within 10 minutes I signed multiple forms, was briefed on a spinal tap, received a shot to stop contractions (ahh..much better!), Brandon changed into scrubs, a team was assembled and we were wheeled into the OR!  Brandon walked next to the bed as I was being wheeled there, and I remember this as one of the most precious moments of labor.  I couldn't see most of his face, but I could tell in his eyes that he was smiling.  And so was I.  "We get to meet our baby!"  We had been up all night, enduring this labor thing together, and suddenly the time was here.  

I received a spinal tap and almost instantly felt a rush of cold tingles throughout my body.  Brandon was then able to come into the OR.  Although I couldn't feel any pain, I absolutely could feel the pushing and pulling on my abdomen.  It felt as though I was wearing a snowsuit, and someone was touching me through it.  The oddest part was feeling them pull apart my ab muscles!  Brandon held my hand tightly and wouldn't look at what was going on until the doctor announced baby's head was out.  I guess it would be weird to watch your wife get cut into!  At this moment I asked Brandon if it was a boy or girl.  His reply: "I don't know, it's only it's head!"  duh... 
Within seconds, though, Silas was pulled completely out and instantly cried loudly, then sneezed, and then started crying again.  (He's sneezed at least once everyday since...)

Cue Brandon and I sobbing uncontrollably.  

Seeing Silas for the first time is a moment I will never forget.  Here was this little person I had come to know so intimately, and yet a stranger to my eyes.  Here was a little face we loved so deeply even though we had never seen him before.  What an overwhelming, joyful, beautiful moment for our little family!

The nurse who labored with us took a few photos of the three of us before Silas was promptly whisked away by the nurses to check his vitals, get his weight etc.  Of course, Brandon went with him so that he could hold him when they were done and then meet me in our room.  So there I was, after one of the most emotional moments of my life, lying stretched out on a table being stitched up, staring at the ceiling.  What's a girl to do?....Talk to the anesthesiologist about the weird weather this morning I suppose.  The nurses were really sweet, congratulating me on a long labor without drugs, telling me how cute our baby is and how much they liked the name. They moved me from one bed to the other and wheeled me to a new room.  I distinctly remember looking down and being really confused about what that thing was under the blanket near my hip...oh wait! It's my leg!  When your whole body is numb, it plays tricks on you.  

We stayed in the hospital for 3 more nights after delivery and our parents and siblings and even a few friends were able to come visit us and meet Baby Silas!  I know for a fact I was quite out of it during most of these visits, after being up laboring and enduring my first major surgery, but having loved ones around during this special time was SO special and we wouldn't have had it any other way.  

Although his birth story in no way reflects what we thought it would be like to welcome a child into this world, it is perfect because it is Silas'.  We are so blessed.

Our Healer

Below you will find the "script" for my talk in Chapel yesterday. They say you only write about what you know...this week, I must say, I preached what I myself needed to hear. 

     Will I be able to handle that? What if someone is better at it than I am? This is going to be so hard! What’s the use? Should I even try to overcome this? 
It never fails that when we’re facing a problem or even an upcoming event in our lives, a little voice creeps into our head, questioning whether we really are capable; wondering if we’ll really be able to do what we’ve set out to do and wrapping ourselves in doubt. Many times even in areas of our lives where there aren’t any huge problems, fears, doubts and anxieties find a way of becoming present right along with feelings of excitement, gratitude, or success. 
Throughout Mark’s gospel we hear about Jesus’ ministry of healing. As I read a passage from Mark 1:29-39, think about the ways in which you may need healing in your own life. 

“And immediately after they came out of the synagogue, they came into the house of Simon and Andrew, with James and John. Now Simon’s mother-in-law was lying sick with a fever; and immediately they spoke to Jesus about her. And He came to her and raised her up, taking her by the hand, and the fever left her, and she waited on them. 
When evening came, after the sun had set, they began bringing to Him all who were ill and those who were demon-possessed. And the whole city had gathered at the door. And He healed many who were ill with various diseases, and cast out many demons; and He was not permitting the demons to speak, because they knew who He was. 
In the early morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went away to a secluded place, and was praying there. Simon and his companions searched for Him; they found Him, and said to Him, “Everyone is looking for You.” He said to them, “Let us go somewhere else to the towns nearby, so that I may preach there also; for that is what I came for.” And He went into their synagogues throughout all Galilee, preaching and casting out the demons.” 

     This passage speaks of Jesus healing those people who come to him. In context of the book of Mark, this passage is preceded and followed by other stories of miraculous healings by our Lord. Jesus cures a demoniac, calling the unclean spirit out of a man in the passage prior to the one I read and cures both a leper and a paralytic in the verses following the passage. It concludes by telling us that he “drove out demons” throughout the whole of Galilee. Mark’s Gospel, although the shortest of the gospels, vividly tells us many details about Jesus’ public ministry. It proclaims the good news that Jesus himself is the son of God who was sent to rescue humanity by serving and eventually sacrificing his life for us. Although perhaps a burden at times, He took great joy in serving his people. 
     In verses 29-39, we heardthat people began bringing all who were ill to Jesus after the sun had set. Then, Jesus was up “very early before dawn” and went out to a deserted place to pray. While we don’t know how far Jesus’ deserted place was from Capernaum, it’s obvious that he was seeking to have time alone with His holy father. We find, however, that Simon and the other disciples seek out Jesus in this deserted place and tell him that “Everyone is looking for you.” What this means is that even though he had been up very late healing people, the people of Galilee are up very early the next morning, already eager to have an encounter with Jesus, so much so that they find his disciples and insist on them finding him and bringing him back. These people recognized that they needed healing and had the full expectation that Jesus was the man who could take care of them. 
     Are we eager in bringing our own concerns to the Lord? Do we expect that he will heal us of our anxieties? The Galileans give us such a good example for being eager about the Word of God and having expectant faith. Mother in laws sick? Go to Jesus! Friend has a demon? Find Jesus! Dealing with leprosy? Where’s Jesus? In our lives, these “demons” and “leprosy” may look a little bit like anxiety over midterms, an unhealthy relationship in our life, financial burdens, and other personal concerns. 
     When thinking about how to break the fever of the problems in your life, what do you do first? I know that I wish I could say I eagerly seek out God’s word and expect that whatever concern I bring to Him, he will control. Truly, though, I’m not sure I’ve fully allowed that to happen in every area of my life. Even the demons have faith in Jesus and are pulled out of the ones they’re possessing because, as it says in verse 34, “he drove out many demons, not permitting them to speak because they knew him.” The demons themselves know and believe in Jesus! How much more should we as Christians have faith in Jesus? If Jesus is willing to help his followers in all that they ask, traveling for days, preaching and driving out demons through the whole of Galilee, why wouldn’t He do the same for us? We need to allow Him to be our Healer, bring any and all troubles to Him with the full expectation that He’s got it from here. 
     How would your life be different if you treated Jesus as your Healer in all things, whether that be preparing for your next speech, getting ready for your next big game, dealing with a “demon” that helps you forget your problems, such as alcohol, or having a difficult conversation with a friend? As Christians, we expect that our prayers will be answered, even if the answer is “No.” 
     Now, I say all of this knowing that often I find myself believing that my problems are too small for God, that I only need to step up and deal with them, be strong, quit being such a worrier... When I was in college, this belief was challenged when I read a reflection on 1st Corinthians 1:29-30 which says “so that no human being might boast before God… ‘Whoever boast, should boast in the Lord.’” Paul uses this expression to remind us that we cannot claim to be autonomous, we are not, and never will be, saved by our own resources. This is so easy to forget because of the way we are encouraged to live. We’ve grown up in a society that tells us to always do our best, get ahead any way we can, and fend for ourselves. We’ve been taught that independence is to be strived for at all costs, that you need to be good at something to do it at all. While it is worth it to be reminded that we cannot take credit for the good in our lives, it is so important that we remember that we also cannot keep our doubts and anxieties to ourselves. Looking internally for solutions and relief will push us only further into our problems—we’re not supposed to deal with them alone. Instead, we must expectantly bring them to our Healer, to the One who knows our hearts, to the one who sacrificed his life for our salvation. 
     Right now I’d like you to take a moment and pretend that Jesus himself is sitting here in front of you. Imagine the expression on his face, his eagerness to hear from you and his yearning to serve his people, his willingness to listen. Now picture yourself physically placing your fears and doubts and anxieties into his lap, giving them fully to Him, expecting that He’s got them from here. You are welcome to place as many of these as you want, forever, right there in His lap. Carefully revel in how it feels to place each doubt and anxiety there, in the place where they belong. Expect that they will be taken care of, because He’s got it from here. Now picture yourself laying your head in Jesus’ lap, putting yourself in a place where he can heal you, where he can cure your sickness, drive out the demons of your life. It is here that we, as Christians, are free to dwell. We, just like the Galileans, are welcome and called to eagerly and expectantly find that place often, within all of the various pockets of our lives. 
  
Thanks for reading,
Danielle  

Bliss is...becoming the best version of yourself.

Today I was able to live out the kind of person I intend to be.  I will list some of the traits I would like to think I have, and how I exuded them today.


1) Spend quality, low-tech time with the people I love.
          My husband and I constantly reflect on the fact that we simply enjoy being around each other, and try to be productive while spending time together as often as possible.  We rarely watch movies or tv, because instead we enjoy making meals together, playing cards, taking a walk.  We appreciate activities that a) get us up and moving; and b) allow us to talk about anything and everything.  So, today, we worked for a few hours stenciling and painting our latest DIY project: our bedroom dresser.


2) Cook homemade meals.
          Today I made lasagna from (almost) scratch.  (The almost is because I did, in fact, use a jar of spaghetti sauce.  I do not carry the trait of sticking to strictly homemade everything, though, so this was just fine, as far as my day was concerned!)  


3) Plan ahead.
          I actually made one 8x8 pan of lasagna for us to eat this evening, and one 8x8 pan that is in the freezer for some other evening this week or next week.  Although planning ahead is something I do in many of the compartments of my life, food is not one of them.  Consistently it is 6pm on a weeknight and Brandon and I look at each other, stomachs a'rumbling, and have no idea what to make.  Many times we haven't even gone grocery shopping within the last two weeks, and so have no options except macaroni and cheese or a quesadilla...not quite the healthiest alternatives.  Today, though, I have helped solve that problem in the near future. 


4) Keep my home clean.
            Lately my lack of time at home means my lack of a neat place to live.  Today, though, I swept the entire main level, vacuumed the stairs, and vacuumed upstairs, as well as washed a rug.  Now, as if that wasn't enough, I also, for the very first time *drum roll, please* cleaned the kitchen as I cooked lasagna.  Including the dishes.  You must know that washing dishes by hand is my absolute least favorite chore at home.  I told my mom it's because of how dry my hands get.  She suggests wearing gloves....genius, I know! Until that time when I have gloves in my kitchen, washing dishes by hand remains my unwanted chore--yet I overcame it today! Yay for a clean kitchen!


5) Keep in touch with loved ones.
          While floundering around my kitchen in preparation for lasagna, I called my momma and we got to talk for about 40 minutes.  Chatting with her, about everything and nothing, is so refreshing to me and can instantly bring me back to reality when I'm feeling out of touch.  I so appreciate how often she listens to me babble on and on, and also how wise her advice is.


It's important to look for days like today. Days when you know you're exactly where you're supposed to be, appreciating the journey towards joy.

--Danielle

A Helpful Reminder

This evening I was reminded why I do what I do.


Lately I've been feeling a bit of bitterness bubbling up inside of me over a few issues that are truly "systems" issues.  That is, dealing with processes that would be very uncomplicated if they weren't covered in campus politics and red tape all over the place.  It seemed like every part of my job lately was laden with hiccups, and I was beginning to feel bogged down.


Tonight, however, reminded me that it's all worth it.  Students who are willing to take on leadership roles without pay, who are willing to cut their summers short, who are excited about the prospect of dynamically affecting campus and mentoring people they don't even know yet.  Students with motivation, leadership capabilities, compassion, and senses of humor.  A reminder that the work I do is not for naught. Truly.


During the seasons of life when we feel overwhelmed or burdened, it's helpful to take a breath and catch a glimpse of the beauty within the storm.  It's always there.


Finding those small treasures of bliss,
Danielle

Alleluia!

Happy Easter, He is risen!

This Holy Week has been reflective and moving for me, and I am so grateful for the awe, wonder, and humility which has been placed on my heart.  Jesus as my Savior is the only thing I can boast in, although a sinner in every sense of the word, I am on a path to holiness because He wills it.  Our Lord is the one who gives me the abilities and talents I possess and I must think, act, speak, and pray for the goodness of His glory on earth.

Alleluia, Alleluia!  

During lent my husband I were driving home from his parents farm and I felt moved to sing Hallelujah by Bethany Dillon.  He reminded me that per Catholic tradition, I shouldn't say Hallelujah during lent.  This made me frustrated, because I was just praising God!  Really, though, that's what Lent is all about, isn't it?  A time for us to remember what Jesus sacrificed for us, a time where you recognize the uncomfortable parts of being a Christian, and reflect on why it is so worthy to bask in frustration and sacrifice for the good of becoming closer to God.

Being able to sing Hallelujah on this blessed Easter day allows me to truly feel God's joy and saving grace throughout my entire being.

In joy,

Danielle

Why I love my job.

Although I worked 9-5 and then kept working all the way until 11pm.

Even though I was gone from Thursday to Sunday with students at NACA.

I didn't actually get home on Monday until 9pm.

And I love my job.

Today part of my job was being present at a fundraiser where 6 excited students held an event that was attended by at least 60 students and raised over $300.

Today part of my job was laying out 5,000 prize-filled eggs on the football field and letting 375 students run and grab as many as they could when the lights went out.

Today part of my job was preparing for a program that could change the way students think about themselves and the world they live in (for the better!).

Today part of my job was being stalked by a student in a bunny suit.

Today part of my job was seeing the look on student's faces when they know the event they put tons of work into was worth it; that it was a job well done.

Bliss is doing what you love and loving what you do.  It is working 13 hour days, and living for the 13 second moments when students are proud of themselves and hopeful for our future.

fail.

So I found out about this really cool idea for April called BEDA: Blog Every Day (in) April.  I thought to myself, "What a great way to make myself commit to blogging.  I love writing and continue to wish for outlets.  I will triumphantly join the BEDA movement!"  


Now, as you may have noticed, today happens to be Tuesday, April 3rd, and here I am. Writing my first blog of the month.  And probably only my 3rd blog of the year.
Fail, indeed.


But today is exciting and hopeful nonetheless.  April 3rd marks 7 months of marriage for me and the hubs. Today marks one month since we moved into our house.  It is also the first time I've gone grocery shopping since we moved into the house.  Let me tell you...that makes for very creative meals.


I'm excited at the prospect of blogging daily about my journey towards joy. I've been noticing lately  that bliss can be uncomfortable and beautiful at the same time, and look forward to contemplating this in the near future.

Productivity on a Tuesday

Being productive is seriously one of the best feelings in the world, yet it's also so hard to be motivated enough to attain it.  Since we moved into our house on March 3rd, I have found a whole new level of motivation to get things done at home that I hadn't experienced in quite a while!

Last night I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to get my gift-buying for the April month out of the way.  Three printed registries, 25 minutes at the check-out register, and 7 beautifully purple-wrapped gifts later, I am ready to give beautiful gifts to some of the loveliest women I know...and their grooms, of course.  

After bridal shopping extravaganza, I headed next door to DressBarn...where not one of the seven dresses I tried on fit.  The woes of being tall.

At home the hubby had bought wood to start our (his...? my list of...?) woodworking projects.  It's from a nearby area that used to be factories and is being renovated to be the Millwork District.  It's old and thick  and has tons of character...perfect for a "farmhouse" kitchen table and bench he's planning for.  Upon getting home I loaded a rice cake with natural peanut butter for dinner, poured a glass of red wine, and set my mind to getting a few small organization projects completed.

Formal dresses moved to empty closet: check.

Shoes arranged on rack in closet by color and style: check. 

Old shoes moved to attic: check.

Spring jackets moved to kitchen closet: check.

2 1/2 loads of laundry: check. (I had to dry the last load overnight...)

Dishwasher loaded and run: check.

Once Upon a Time episode from Sunday: CHECK!  (Warning, tangent ahead: This show is seriously so good...thank you brilliant writers for developing an incredible plot based on stories we're all familiar with and making the show scandel-less!  Three cheers for good ol' clean television.)

Ahh...So glad that I was able to accomplish so much as I look towards being out of town for work all weekend.

Lovin' life, 

Danielle

Why I love Sundays.

There is something indescribable about Sundays.

Maybe it's because it starts with church. 
Honestly, this morning was a doozy until I went to church.  "Accidentally" falling back asleep after the alarm went off, making me in more of a rush than I'd prefer.  Letting myself believe the myth that there was just nothing in my closet at all to wear...completely false reality.  Dropping the mascara wand on either my face or the alarm clock or the mirror or my pants not once, or twice, but a whopping three times...  Having to change my outfit and looking at the clock that read 9:23 and realizing the 9:30 mass we were planning to go to that takes 15 minutes to get to was probably not going to happen.

"Now, wait," you think, "I thought I was going to read about why you love Sundays?"

Ya, getting to that...

I flat out told my husband as he entered our room, fully dressed, in a jacket, ready to walk out the door at 9:15--"This morning sucks."  Immediately, being the wonderful and patient man he is, Brandon starts searching on his phone for masses in the area that start at 10 so that I don't have to feel so rushed.  Seriously, who deserves a husband this great?

Mass was definitely the avenue which completely changed my day around; as receiving the body, soul, spirit and divinity of Jesus should, of course.  The sermon and music were helpful, too.

Sundays are incredible because somehow they feel more relaxing than Saturdays.  Today, after the revitalization of church, we felt no obligations of time or energy.  We knew we wanted to rent The Help because I had just finished reading it on Friday.  We ended up dedicating much driving time going from RedBox to RedBox finding this particular movie (did I mention my husband in patient?)  At Hy-Vee, we found ourselves buying a "celebratory" dinner to make this evening, including a great bottle of chianti, in gratitude that our offer on a house was accepted.  We also bought frozen loaves of bread. (because this girl has never, ever even attempted making bread, so we figured this was a good place to start!)

Sunday means that we can make coffee without a time schedule, watch a movie (a great one, in fact!) in the middle of the day, and cook dinner together.  Sunday means that the house can be picked up, and snooping around pinterest doesn't bring me guilt.  Sunday means "Once Upon a Time" is on and I can squeal and gasp at the tv for an entire hour.

Thank you, Sunday, for bringing so much joy to this cold apartment of ours.

Getting in gear.

The awkward moment when you get "told" by your chiropractor:


Setting: Middle of December, about 3 and 1/2 months since our wedding
Me: My hips have been really bothering me lately...
Dr. C: Are you still doing yoga? When's the last time you worked out?
Me: Well...I haven't actually gone to yoga in a while, and I haven't been to the gym in about 6 months...
Dr. C: I know you were really busy with the new job and getting married...but c'mon. It's been 4 months; the honeymoon period is over and it's time to get it gear and focus.


Whoops. Nothing like being blunt...


Now, I could take this personally and get offended and stomp away complaining that I got called fat and lazy.  But I really don't think he meant it like that.  He's absolutely right: I need focus.  It's so easy to justify week after week that I'm just "too busy" and I want to spend time with my hubs and read the 4 books I'm in the middle of and clean my apartment and get enough sleep, but I'm not really being nice to my body in the meantime.


So as of January 1st I officially spent money to join the gym on campus for 6 months. Translation: I can either officially get my butt on an elliptical OR officially waste lots of money.


New year, fresh start, better focus?
To these I say: "Yes, please!"

Life = perspective.

Isn't it true that so often when we are passionate about something--a cause or effort, changing other's minds on a topic, our involvement with a group or organization--it is our current perspective which fuels that passion?


As a first-year student, I vividly remember getting blindsided by the paradigm shift that my individual perspective truly ruled my life.  How I was raised, where I grew up, conversations with friends, sports teams I was part of, classes I took and the many unique experiences of my life truly have an affect on how I view the experiences of daily life now.  Life is like a staircase, each moment building on the last.  At first I actually felt guilty about this, thinking I was somewhat at fault for not considering other perspectives more often. But, really, using perspective is a good thing. (usually!) It allows us to function in our daily lives, use prior knowledge to make decisions, and form opinions.  


This whole perspective things can also make things pretty tricky sometimes, too.  Huge controversies would come about (and often do!) simply because a person's life was filled with certain pieces and missing others.  


Now, as I reread this, it seems like I'm stating very obvious facts that need not even be thought about.  So, why?  Why have I been pondering the fact that life=perspective for a good 8 years now?  Why did it intrigue me so much when I was only four years old to lay in bed at night and ponder how different I would have been had my parents been different, had I lived in a different state.  Why is this notion so powerful to me?


I think it's really an adventure in empathy.  Instead of writing a person off as "stupid" when they respond poorly to a situation or make a bad decision, I want to know what past experiences they've had to push them to think the way that they do.  Instead of assuming I know what a person is going to do, or how they think, I want to consider my own beliefs and feelings and how they got there.  It's empathetic and compassionate to consider perspective instead of relying on judgement.


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Admittedly, posted this about a month after I wrote it.  This topic makes me think really hard for a really long time, and even now I know it is only about 10% of my revelings about perspective.  Truly, thought processes like these really can never be finished, because my perspectives will change and I will learn and grow through them. 


And if the humbling process of life-long learning isn't one of life's joys, I'm not sure what is.

Shadows of Joy

Last night was filled with choosing a few wedding pictures to have printed, both for Brandon and I, and for our parents.  As I was flipping through the thousands of pictures (okay...1200: I rounded up) I was filled with so much joy.  Not only did I think back to how extremely happy I felt on our wedding day, I could see the joy on our faces and on the faces of our families and friends.  What a beautiful, inexplicable, overwhelming happiness it was, knowing that I was officially allowed to spend the rest of my life with a man whom I loved, but who also loved and cared for me in ways I didn't know were possible.  A man who made me want to be a better person, just by being near him.  Surely I floated two feet above the ground, taking in a day full of firsts as man and wife, and continue to as we live life together...

Now, there is a song called "Only a Shadow" that was sung at Chapel about a month ago.  The lyrics to this particular song struck me so much that I still find myself thinking about them, at least four weeks later.  It's about how as much as we love, believe, and dream--it can only ever be a shadow of how God loves us, has faith in us, and dreams things up for us.  

The very last verse of the song looks like this:

The joy we feel today, oh Lord 

Is only a shadow of your joys for us. 
Only a shadow of your joys for us 
when we meet face to face.

I think back to my wedding day and the joy I felt as I walked down that red-carpeted aisle lined with our family and closest friends in a lovely white dress towards the man I love. 

And that's only a shadow? Talk about powerful...

I have tried many times to wrap my head around the capacity of joy available when we meet God face to face if my wedding day was simply a shadow of it.  Attempting to imagine what this must feel like is incredibly overwhelming in an amazing way.  This love, this belief, this dream, this joy cannot be attained or even hypothesized while I am still human.  I do believe, though, that the tiny shadows of joy we experience are truly gifts from God and opportunities to share his love with others.  Everything which is good in my life is just a shadow of what can be in store for me when I meet Him face to face.


...what joy, indeed.

So much new.

It is crazy for me to contemplate how drastically my life has changed in the last 6 months, and also how incredible positive each change has been.  This life makeover was not something I planned for or anticipated, but it has been so welcome and refreshing.


In the last six months I:
1. Moved to a new city in a new state where I knew less than 10 people total.
2. Lived truly alone for the first time in my life.
3. Was more bored than I ever remember feeling.  This was during the month period that I was unemployed.  While I did read a lot and decompress from my previous, very challenging job, I also realized the intensity of my love for human interaction and contact.  I am most definitely more of a people-oriented person than a task-oriented person and felt the ramifications of that during this month period.
4. Started two new jobs.
5. Worked my first ever retail job @ the Gap.
6. Landed a position in my all-time dream career at an incredibly forward-thinking, friendly school with many   opportunities.  
7. Began seeing a chiropractor.
8. Planned a wedding.
9. Got married to the love on my life, propelling my bliss even further into the atmosphere :)
10. Changed my name.
11. Tripled number of family members.
12. Moved in with a boy.
13. Traveled to a new continent and 2 new countries!
14. Ate escargot.
15. Paid off my car loan.
16. Made minestrone soup.

Wow.  What a crazy, beautiful few months it has been.  Even though it was quite the whirlwind, I love how it's settling in and look forward to finding new amid the comfort of each day.


Live with joy,

Danielle

Inaugural Address

Well hello, world.


After much consideration, deliberation, negotiation, and meditation, I have decided to become an official member of the blogging world.  I hope to use this as a place to give my thoughts and reflections space to marinate...a way to have a sounding board of sorts as well as to document what my current struggles and joys are.


Throughout my life I have always attempted to find the best in everything: people, situations, my surroundings.  At times I succeed and at times I fail miserably: I do believe that bliss is a perception and a choice, however.  That a person must be willing to stretch their mind in every circumstance and believe that it is all part of a journey of joy.


I look forward to sharing the various happenings on this humble journey God blesses me with.